Trauma as a badge: Emerging cultural practices in our healing spaces (part 1)

Liberating or limiting?

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The training began the way a lot of trainings do. We gathered in a circle, sitting on cushions and foldings chairs. I exchanged pleasant smiles with the people around me, made small talk. 

We were about to learn the in’s and out’s of a cutting-edge healing modality. Everyone there were fellow healers, therapists, psychedelic practitioners, researchers, social justice folks, yogis, social workers. My people. 

The lead trainer kicked things off, introducing himself, and then invited us to do the same. Who are you? What brings you here? 

The first person went. “Hi, I’m Tonya. I’m a psychotherapist based upstate and have a long history of anxiety and depression stemming from childhood…” 

The next person went. “Hi, so glad to be here. I teach yoga and offer integrative therapy to my clients. My whole life has been riddled by narcissistic relationships and an eating disorder…”

One by one, each person went, sharing their name and profession, and then divulging their most tender traumas and mental health struggles.

This cultural practice, of leading with one’s trauma in community settings, is something I’ve seen emerge within the circles I run in. Community spaces and professional spaces of people geared towards healing and transformation, who take pride in their inner work, who value healing and understand trauma, and therefore rep it as part of their identity, especially when introducing themselves.

These are spaces that seek to be at the forefront of ushering in a more trauma-informed, and eventually trauma-integrated world. A world where awareness of trauma is integrated into the way we go about things, whether it's the way we design a curriculum or engage with each other as professionals or understand a current event. 

As trauma becomes more integrated into the cultural waters that makes up these spaces, new practices emerge. Practices that reflect what the culture seeks to be. That make up what the culture is. Practices that are born from good intentions and strong visions, and that all, to some degree, have unintended consequences. 

When it was my turn to introduce myself, I held the talking stick and felt an inordinate amount of pressure to lead with my wounds. That if I didn’t share myself in that way, that if I didn’t lead with a bleeding heart that I would be outside of the group in some way. I needed to do so in order to prove something to these people I was meeting for the first time. To prove my vulnerability or courage; my capacity to go there. That I, too, am doing “the work” and am down with this stuff. I’m legit, I’m in the know (sheepishly gives a thumbs up with an awkward smile). 

But the reality was that I didn’t want to lead with my wounds. It didn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right for me most of the times these days. To lead with my experiences of trauma feels inauthentic at best and unsafe at worst. Which has brought me into a space of holding questions around the cultural practice itself. Where does it come from? What is it seeking to do? And how can I be in relationship with it in a way that feels authentic to me, and of service to its evolution and the times we live in?

Cultural practices are always in a state of evolution. Especially ones that are newly emerging, that are being born from new forms of consciousness. Each time any of us participates in one, we have an opportunity to co-create it. To shape it in some sort of way. So I’m approaching this tense dance I find myself in with this current cultural practice as a dance with a living, breathing being. The cultural practice is an animate force I’m ebbing and flowing with; affecting and being affected by. 

Because in a lot of ways I really relate with this practice and see where she’s coming from. At her core I see her as being born from a desire to liberate ourselves and each other from shame. Leading with trauma seeks to destigmatize emotions and counter toxic positivity. To combat taboos around challenging feelings, and the social narratives we have inherited about emotions, more generally. That we have to suck it up, save face, and keep going. Don’t talk about what's bothering you. It’s not polite. 

So in this way, this practice is awesome. It is acknowledging that it’s not healthy to shove shit down and pretend like everything’s fine. It is normalizing the fact that we all go through stuff and have baggage. It is making this reality more accessible, hopefully creating more permission for people to seek support and get help. It is celebrating that many of our greatest gifts are born from our darkest struggles.

And, in other ways, it is also creating a dynamic where trauma and unwellness now hold a degree of cultural clout within these social settings. Within certain healing-centered and social justice groups, these things have become a sort of cultural currency. Publicly naming and claiming the parts of you that are unwell demonstrates something. It signals things to others. It is like a badge you flash to get into the club. A membership badge. 

Join me for part two as I continue to unpack the dynamics I see within this cultural phenomenon and the practice itself, and the invitations I pose to myself on how to be in relationship with it in authentic ways and help support her ongoing evolution.